Control, anyone?

Every now and then something will remind me of paradoxes I’ve wrestled with in a new way, and the thing that can trigger the memory can be trivial. For instance, take the graphic to the right, which I stumbled across while clearing out the deadwood on my system earlier this evening. Mac users can be forgiven for not seeing the symbolism immediately; all other computer users that recognize this as a broken control key are to be commended, but still have to read along at the same pace as everyone else, so bear with me.

Like all other members of the 12 Step fellowships, the very first concept we have to get very clear on is that we are powerless - that left to our own devices, there is nothing we can do to get or stay off our drug(s) of choice - and that our lives are unmanageable. The proper wording is below:

We admitted we were powerless over alcohol¹ - that our lives had become unmanageable.

Step One is a challenge to many. We are to admit and accept as facts about ourselves things we’ve spent years avoiding, and to do so we have to face ourselves as we are, not as we’d like to be seen. Then, just as we’re thinking it can’t get much worse than that, we’re told that we need to put the plug in the jug, throw the stash in the trash - that the only way this is going to really work is if we stop leaning on the thing that is itself a symptom of a deeper spiritual problem. For those who’ve been here themselves, I need say nothing more - you know the trapped feeling, the near-savage thinking. For those of you who’ve never been addicted² (or have never recognized the depths to which you still may be addicted), I may not be able to adequately describe the combination of emotions and thoughts that make this point in existence so difficult - for those who understand, no explanation is necessary; for those who don’t, none may be possible.

One aspect of this process of surrender is (in addition to seeing our powerlessness) recognizing that we have no control, regardless of what we may think, and it is here that the paradox is truly joined. For those who come to faith in Christ via the 12 Step route, we must first learn that we have no real control - over people, places, situations, and ourselves - before we can learn what it is that scripture refers to when it speaks of being self-controlled.

I once described the early days of being involved in the recovery process like being in the seat of a racecar that has smacked a wall in a turn hard enough that the only things left of the car are the chassis, the seat, the gearshift lever, and you. Try as you might, will it with all your heart, you cannot get the car back into gear without a transmission attached to that lever, or an engine able to accept orders from the transmission, but there you are, trying with everything you have to get the car back into the race. Looking at this scene from ringside, the spectators know that the driver must be in shock, but the pit crew are the only ones able to help get this car off the track safely. This analogy helped folks understand how the process works - those who have been there are in the best position to help.

For those who would follow Christ, part of what we call repentance - but only a part - is this recognition that we are not in control, and a turning over to God that which belongs to Him. I am not to attempt to control my wife - her actions, thoughts, beliefs, her comings and goings - via emotional manipulation or physical restraint. That is not my job or my place. Extending outward from our dyad, I am not to attempt to do those things with others. I may try to sway someone with an argument, or pass on my own experience, strength, and hope - but for me to try (no matter what I think of my own motives) to do anything else is to step back onto the crazy train.

So, what are we to do about this issue of control? What is the proper use of the will in these areas? We’ll consider these questions and more in another post.

Related posts:

1. Cold Turkey
2. Attraction vs. Promotion
3. I Will Not Go Quietly
4. Sioux Falls to Shenzhen
5. I Need Treatment…

Tags: Addiction, Humor, Recovery, Surrender